Okay, so here’s the thing. My wife and I have been doing this to each other for nearly 20 years. She’s a philosophy major. I’m a math major. This was probably one of our first big arguments. Any time either one of us stumble on a proof or a study or a tangential bit of theory or semi-relevant meme, we will immediately reignite the struggle session over free-will for the rest of the week.
Seems silly to exert so much effort over something that clearly can’t exist?
Do people in relationships actually talk about useless shit all day??
We definitely do a lot of gossip.
I talk about the big of talk when the talking go to flow about the ways this those do go the ways God did intendeder
Are and is get got to car corn go got gain in sniff horn am bat this un.
Don’t eat you money or your mom with come through the corn on the other side of Berkeley.
I hate small talk, vehemently opposed to it… been married over 15 years…
When it is someone you truly love and cherish… even the most mundane things come with a sense of beauty and wonder, because it’s them. Their thoughts, their opinions, their take on whatever applies the meaning. My wife and I can talk about the rain and the trees and the bugs and the birds for hours, for no other reason than it gives us a chance to be together.
Looking at it the way the post does… you’re missing the forest because of all the trees.
I love the talks with my life partner about the inner depth of the universe and the emptiness beyond. I hate when he doesn’t listen to me about something that I know is a good insight. I also hate when he outright shows coldness. I do that sometimes. I understand we are so good for each other for we are good archetypes that fit together. He doesn’t do small talk sometimes, and he lies about the stupidest things to cut small talk to nothing. But I love him. He’s special, and I’m just happy someone understands my crazy so well.
Now God threatens me with how they ALL, including my life partner set me up. I’m not good enough for anything. What? Grandma? She’s ded
So, you think true will exists or what?
I hope so, I’m getting sick of meeting all these fake Wills
Yes. Works for me.
“Hi honey, i’m home”.
Again. Awesome. Truly never gets old. Can’t wait to do this shit for the rest of my fucking life.
How was your day?
“Acknowledged, hun.”
Talking random bullshit with someone you know well is great, performative socially masked pleasantries specifically chosen for their generality, and uncontroversial nature is immensely draining emotionally and mentally.
Dragging my tongue over ice-cold saccharine cream tainted by biter cacao seeds as grainy bits of sand dig into my exposed flesh and the roar of the ocean assaults my tender eardrums.
Every moment at the beach is unspeakable anguish.
Saying talking to the cashier is “… immensely draining emotionally and mentally” is some seriously high drama.
The world really isn’t that hard to deal with. Most people are actually quite kind. Not me of course, but most people.
I don’t count being polite in public small talk, I mean things like being at a party where you don’t know anybody, work events, ceremonial events, those kinds of small, short hells.
It’s really hard for me to meet people when it’s like “what do you do” and I answer and they say “how is that” and I answer and then they ask where I’m from and then say it’s rainy.
I don’t think people hate small talk so much as they hate it when people are bad at small talk. A lot of awkward people will barrage you with questions and you don’t even get the opportunity to ask them the question back because they just keep peppering you.
Yeah actually that sounds pretty good, might ask my partner about it when she comes home
We’re both autistic and therefore both hate small talk. Problem solved.
hi honey I’m home
well, looks like rain tonight
you said it
Peak romance ❤️
My husband and I absolutely do discuss free will and other philosophical questions. Being able to have those conversations is what drew us together.
Some people talk about the weather or their local sports squadrons. We would rather discuss the ethical implications of modern technology or the nature of knowledge or art.
You can have both, damn.
I don’t mind having a conversation about stupid bullshit, I love those. But I do hate having a superficial conversation filled with lies and obfuscation about meaningless topics neither of us care about solely for the sake of filling the silence. It’s a waste of energy and time.
Then bring your A game to every conversation. Most people are interesting, they just need steering towards their subject of interest.
I think you have to be pretty open to new things for this to be true, a lot of people will shut down and think certain topics are boring, art for example. You kind of have to force yourself to find those things interesting for a while before everything seems interesting.
I don’t know my experience is everything is interesting if someone is passionate about it. It’s mostly my fault when I’m only waiting for my turn to talk. (Mostly the reason is I’m forgetful and if I think I have something good to add I’m afraid I’ll forget it)
I think it’s sort of a two-way street, people feel a lot more passionate sharing something if the other person shows real interest in it. Being the person who makes them want to talk about it is more a skill I had to learn :p
Oh my sweet summer sunshine. It’s not other people’s jobs to do your emotional labor for you.
You’re kinda confirming my pet theory that the “I don’t do small talk” people are all cunts
Oh, they are. The lot of them have given up on building any useful social skills whatsoever and kind of resent you for even asking them to.
They’re like Cloud when Aerith has to teach him what a high five is. Except Cloud actually wants to learn.
No, they’re introverts and therefore have to weigh every social interaction with how much of their emotional labor/mental energy they want to spend on it.
Think of it this way: as an introvert, you start the day with 10 spoons. Every time you talk to someone, you lose a spoon. How many spoons are you willing to give up to Frank and his play by play on what your other coworker is doing right now (you know, the coworker that’s also sitting next to you both)? Maybe you’d rather use those spoons on playing with your kids.
In this nonsense scenario, extroverts start the day with 0 spoons but generate a spoon whenever they socially interact because extroverts regain emotional/mental energy through social interaction. In theory, you could game the system by having two extroverts talk to each other every moment of the day to create infinite spoons and start your own silverware company.
Some people make it into a personality trait, definitely.
I’m in the “no small talk” camp. I at least try to not be a cunt at first. But I have no problems firing back.
I imagine many people in the group though just really don’t want to be bothered and being sharp with someone is usually a fast way to end that bother. They may not be cunts on the regular, they may just not want to be involved with the other person.
I agree that the other person was being cunty though. That condescending “sweet summer w/e” shit is rude af unless it’s done to be silly.
Nobody’s expecting you to. But I’d fell like you’re missing out on the human experience.
My wife thinks that determinism causes you to ‘give up’ so you don’t fight against injustice. I, being a determinist, am obviously annoyed by this characterization. I would say that I am just as enthused to do things; I just wouldn’t attribute the enthusiasm to some mystical will that conjures it from nothing.
People think that “i hate small talk” must mean “i want big talk” because they cannot comprehend the idea of just shutting tf up
Yeah I can’t imagine the alternative. A life where you and your partner aren’t comfortable in silence sounds like a nightmare.
These thoughts rattling around in my head and this breath in my lungs would be wasted forever unless I combine them and thrust it upon your unwilling ears
—the entire world for some reason
Sorry, I’m quieter when I take my Ritalin!
Not always true and a little besides the point. I went through a period where my friend circle ONLY made small talk. Hang out for a couple hours at a bar, 90% no talking and when we did it was either to insult each other or talk about our beers.
It became exhausting. Unsurprisingly we went our separate ways and never contacted each other again.
What the duck are you taking about Joey?!?
Truth!
That’s what normies don’t get about introverts: we’re not above small talk, we’re above small talk when it’s all there is. Of course we’ll ask the loved one how their day has been, and the fact is we’ll actually shut the fuck up and listen to it all, and when things become serious we’ll talk to say meaningful things.
Else, there’s folie à deux echolalia, shitty jokes, movie lines, comfortable silence, or skipping it all to ‘scorching hot sex’.
Yeah, I mean don’t ask me how I’m doing if you don’t want to hear the answer. Don’t look at me weird when I say “not great” if you’re the one who asked!
I’m not obliged to say “Great, thanks!” when you ask me how I am. I’m not doing great, and I’m not gonna lie about it just to make you feel better about a question that you asked!
That’s what I mean when I say I hate smalltalk. It’s so insincere, and exhausting to carry on day-to-day with no deeper conversation.
I’m all for small talk. It’s the superfluous small talk just to kill dead air I hate. I’d rather sit in an elevator and say nothing than talk about how much rain we’re about to get this afternoon.
Thats insert x location weather for ya’! don’t like it, Just wait five minutes! *proceeds to slap knee’
No I’m sorry, interiority cannot be tolerated or respected. You’re doing it wrong.
