I don’t mind having a conversation about stupid bullshit, I love those. But I do hate having a superficial conversation filled with lies and obfuscation about meaningless topics neither of us care about solely for the sake of filling the silence. It’s a waste of energy and time.
I think you have to be pretty open to new things for this to be true, a lot of people will shut down and think certain topics are boring, art for example. You kind of have to force yourself to find those things interesting for a while before everything seems interesting.
I don’t know my experience is everything is interesting if someone is passionate about it. It’s mostly my fault when I’m only waiting for my turn to talk. (Mostly the reason is I’m forgetful and if I think I have something good to add I’m afraid I’ll forget it)
I think it’s sort of a two-way street, people feel a lot more passionate sharing something if the other person shows real interest in it. Being the person who makes them want to talk about it is more a skill I had to learn :p
No, they’re introverts and therefore have to weigh every social interaction with how much of their emotional labor/mental energy they want to spend on it.
Think of it this way: as an introvert, you start the day with 10 spoons. Every time you talk to someone, you lose a spoon. How many spoons are you willing to give up to Frank and his play by play on what your other coworker is doing right now (you know, the coworker that’s also sitting next to you both)? Maybe you’d rather use those spoons on playing with your kids.
In this nonsense scenario, extroverts start the day with 0 spoons but generate a spoon whenever they socially interact because extroverts regain emotional/mental energy through social interaction. In theory, you could game the system by having two extroverts talk to each other every moment of the day to create infinite spoons and start your own silverware company.
I’m in the “no small talk” camp. I at least try to not be a cunt at first. But I have no problems firing back.
I imagine many people in the group though just really don’t want to be bothered and being sharp with someone is usually a fast way to end that bother. They may not be cunts on the regular, they may just not want to be involved with the other person.
I agree that the other person was being cunty though. That condescending “sweet summer w/e” shit is rude af unless it’s done to be silly.
I don’t mind having a conversation about stupid bullshit, I love those. But I do hate having a superficial conversation filled with lies and obfuscation about meaningless topics neither of us care about solely for the sake of filling the silence. It’s a waste of energy and time.
Then bring your A game to every conversation. Most people are interesting, they just need steering towards their subject of interest.
I think you have to be pretty open to new things for this to be true, a lot of people will shut down and think certain topics are boring, art for example. You kind of have to force yourself to find those things interesting for a while before everything seems interesting.
I don’t know my experience is everything is interesting if someone is passionate about it. It’s mostly my fault when I’m only waiting for my turn to talk. (Mostly the reason is I’m forgetful and if I think I have something good to add I’m afraid I’ll forget it)
I think it’s sort of a two-way street, people feel a lot more passionate sharing something if the other person shows real interest in it. Being the person who makes them want to talk about it is more a skill I had to learn :p
Oh my sweet summer sunshine. It’s not other people’s jobs to do your emotional labor for you.
You’re kinda confirming my pet theory that the “I don’t do small talk” people are all cunts
Oh, they are. The lot of them have given up on building any useful social skills whatsoever and kind of resent you for even asking them to.
They’re like Cloud when Aerith has to teach him what a high five is. Except Cloud actually wants to learn.
Some people make it into a personality trait, definitely.
No, they’re introverts and therefore have to weigh every social interaction with how much of their emotional labor/mental energy they want to spend on it.
Think of it this way: as an introvert, you start the day with 10 spoons. Every time you talk to someone, you lose a spoon. How many spoons are you willing to give up to Frank and his play by play on what your other coworker is doing right now (you know, the coworker that’s also sitting next to you both)? Maybe you’d rather use those spoons on playing with your kids.
In this nonsense scenario, extroverts start the day with 0 spoons but generate a spoon whenever they socially interact because extroverts regain emotional/mental energy through social interaction. In theory, you could game the system by having two extroverts talk to each other every moment of the day to create infinite spoons and start your own silverware company.
I’m in the “no small talk” camp. I at least try to not be a cunt at first. But I have no problems firing back.
I imagine many people in the group though just really don’t want to be bothered and being sharp with someone is usually a fast way to end that bother. They may not be cunts on the regular, they may just not want to be involved with the other person.
I agree that the other person was being cunty though. That condescending “sweet summer w/e” shit is rude af unless it’s done to be silly.
Nobody’s expecting you to. But I’d fell like you’re missing out on the human experience.