I’ve noticed that there seems to be an emphasis on being extremely serious at all times, as if every single comment is a PhD dissertation being evaluated or something. There’s like this weird, subtle one upmanship about every little thing and a lot of people are very nitpicky and judgmental. It kind of takes the fun out of being on here, TBH. Or am I the only one experiencing this?

  • rabber@lemmy.caEnglish
    2·
    6 days ago

    I think you read my thread about losing all my friends. Yeah i was falsely accused of rape and almost lost everything. Time has passed and I am still wished dead by many. I haven’t found any way to defend myself or redeem myself. Nobody will ever believe me. Thanks for your words. Shit sucks.

    I agree with your view on women being oppressed, but holy hell, being the man in this particular situation is plain unfair. It’s a miracle I didn’t kill myself

    To be clear I didn’t “go through it” - this is going to follow me for the rest of my entire life I think.

    And I know for a fact you aren’t this evil because a narcissist would never carry themselves the way you do. They pretend they are harmless until behind closed doors.

    • velma@sh.itjust.works
      31·
      6 days ago

      I’m really glad you’re still here. Yeah that really sucks and no one deserves to go through that. It’s not a suffering competition, no one wins for additional suffering and I truly view that for everyone. Even the guys I might hold in some contempt lol

      Not that you want any advice from a 40 year old queer mom, but have you looked into moving to a different city? Sometimes a fresh start is worth it. You’re worth it.

      • rabber@lemmy.caEnglish
        1·
        6 days ago

        I wanted to move but I just took out a new mortgage. And also, if I move, I fear it only further “proves” to those people I’m guilty. And I am not. I can not even kill bugs lol

        • velma@sh.itjust.works
          21·
          6 days ago

          Well even if you can’t move, I hope you realize that you don’t have to prove anything to them because they don’t matter anymore in your life. Don’t let them live rent free in your head and yes I know that’s a lot easier said than done lol

          You’re alright, just let me be my grumpy womanly self at rude men and I’ll let you shitpost or whatever wherever you want as long as it’s not in the womensstuff community, deal?

              • rabber@lemmy.caEnglish
                1·
                6 days ago

                The other reason I haven’t move is because there are also a couple of long term friends I miss deeply and I think if I just hold on for a while they will come back around

                Ex has a new bf who is one of my former acquaintances and I think eventually she will pull the same shit on him and people will see I am not the badman

                Didn’t originally want to forgive any ex friends but I can totally understand why they took her side (she’s good at this) and I think I’m ready to forgive if they meet me halfway

                • velma@sh.itjust.works
                  21·
                  6 days ago

                  I hope your friends come back, but y’know I also hope you start rebuilding your life without them in the meantime. You deserve to move on not for their sake, but for yours and your peace.

                  I totally understand missing them.

                  • rabber@lemmy.caEnglish
                    1·
                    6 days ago

                    Losing friends is way worse than losing girls. There’s no real playbook for navigating this. Lots of stuff about navigating breakups. But being ghosted and hated by bros who knew me 15+ years who I spent my 20s with travelling the world just cuts so deep.

                    Would love to not allow them to live rent free here but man, I think about those guys every friggin day. Been in therapy for this for over a year now and have to admit I haven’t made any real progress on this front

                    I’m actually doing pretty good now things considered. My new gf is such a sweetheart and just after a year of dating I think im gonna marry her. I never had any intention of marrying my ex even when things were going well. Something about her just scared me and I couldn’t put my finger on it (autist here, bad at picking up on social queues)

                    When she finally was out of my life my dad helped me buy a house. Said he was waiting for her to be gone for 8 years and that’s why he wasn’t giving me any monetary help. GOATed dad.

                    The beginning of this new relationship was rocky. Once I started taking her out to local concerts and she saw all the eyes glaring at me she questioned herself why I am so universally hated despite not seeing any red flags to indicate I’m a bad guy. I’m so grateful she didn’t bail on me over this…

                    Thanks for letting me share this with you. I don’t have many outlets to say this irl.