Missing the most crucial: you were born evil and will burn in fire forever unless we dunk you in a tank of water

Oh, Mandela catalogue. …I think?

Zombie Jeezus wants your BRAAAINS

If you love my invisible friend, you can do any evil thing you want no matter how vile and still get to go to my friend’s paradise resort as long as you say you’re sorry for being evil before you die.

This but unironically