This is viral marketing for the new Highlander movie

If you don’t juice the whole bird with one of these things you’re missing out on vital nutrients.

You can’t have eight billion apes and ten billion chickens and a billion cattle and pigs and sheep and not wreck your biosphere.

Okay, flimsy wooden forks

Maybe we could light the forks on fire?

Nobody has torches and pitchforks anymore. Best we can do is phone flashlights and plastic forks.

Doos yas wants yas plumbings fixeds ors nots?

There is no war in Dubai Sing Se

“The plane was heading right for me!”

Grocery store layouts.

Congratulations now we have 15 standards.

Those things are totally real and are how elections are actually stolen.

What they’re saying here is that people don’t steal elections by getting a ton of people to vote fraudulently.

That’s among the cleaner public park bathrooms I’ve seen

“Fuck the police” is literally why America was founded.

Any sufficiently large population of humans will devolve into hierarchy.

Oh, totally. Having a KB full of ready made answers reduced response times and increased customer satistfaction

The only time the KB really saved was being able to send them a link to the docs that they should have been able to find instead of retyping the response. Which is good because time to first response kept going down as we wrote more articles.

All of the answers were right there and they didn’t see it. And no matter how many articles we added the volume of tickets resolved on the first reply with a KB article didn’t go down. (I know because I tracked this as a KPI for a while until it became obvious it wasn’t budging.)

My only conclusion from this is that there is a segment of people who will always ask someone for help rather than take initiative.

Thankfully we didn’t take phone calls. And I knew they weren’t reading the KB because we’d reply with a link to the KB and they’d be happy.

Having run a couple support teams, I get where they’re coming from with the wait time.

Every minute my team wasn’t spending helping customers was spent updating the knowledge base. We invested a ton of effort into it, and 90% of the tickets were answerable in the first interaction with a simple search.

But getting people to actually read the docs was impossible. And maybe if we made them wait they’d get frustrated

But that’s not very nice to your customers or the agents.

My favorite bar was this beautiful Irish pub. Big fireplace, giant oak bar, 20 foot pressed tin ceilings, little booths decorated like your grandma’s living room, amazing food, and a huge selection of whiskey and beer. It was called The Banshee and it was like two blocks from Cooper’s in Scranton.

Now it’s basically a knockoff Margaritaville and my soul is crushed.

As part of my nerd training I memorized this entire movie. And when I did the bit where he explained how it works, it just made so much sense.