I assume you are getting help and some form of therapy if you received a diagnosis and taking tests.

I don’t know if this will help and I am sure someone more qualified can correct me, but maybe you can make improvements with framing things in a different way.

Like you say you have an over-active imagination, perhaps try and frame an element of work towards a goal or make a checklist of what you need to do and reward yourself when you complete say 50% of the goals in the day and try work yourself up to 75% and then 100% of goals. Make it into something you can interact with and look at it like a game and a form of motivation.

I don’t know, for me I can do things in short bursts when I try and force myself to try move forward and I think the longest streak was when I was able to “hold myself accountable” for doing a certain amount of tasks in a day.

For me, a common thing that seems to help is to do something and “reward” myself if I make progress which seems to be a generally positive reinforcement to me.

So I guess try and frame it into a reward system to make yourself feel like you achieved something instead of a burden. I do not know if that is wrong or more harmful but maybe it can help?

I mean I am coming to terms that I have a little bit of everything while I learn about myself and the closest I got to a diagnosis was an unofficial one of ADHD, Depression and Anxiety

I don’t know if some of it is similar, but I can sort understand some of your experiences.

It is like the energy is focused on what is perceived as “important” and when you have time alone then there is a just a feeling of being drained and the body shuts down because of all that energy to maintain appearances.

I don’t know if there is an insecurity with maintaining appearances and without thinking putting in more energy into people than they deserve, but I can understand the feeling of giving work ( when I had work) more than it deserved.

That is a me thing and maybe it is relatable.

I can’t really offer any advice because I have been forced to just keep going without much quality involved working on improving and I have a lot of maladaption developed from that.

I do think the advice offered by others has merits though and hopefully you can find something that can lessen or at least help spread out the intensity of your concentration

I have only played the first chapter - old (out of 3, I believe)

Was also a very engaging game, had a very coming of age theme to it with a combat system that seemed simple but starts to show its depth once abilities get unlocked and you start to chain it.

I liked how the relationships felt more grounded and the story’s build up had, for me, more intrigue and mystery than most jrpgs

Only complaint, more like criticism, is it is a nightmare for people that feel the need to complete everything or realise that the npcs have different dialogues over time and feel compelled to make sure that everything is done before moving on. That can be a positive or negative depending on player though.

Despite the criticism, it did feel good to know I deserved and worked for the ending I got, even though I found out after I missed a few things

I would say depends on your preferences

By today’s standards, old 7 gameplay, graphics and story will seem dated.

I am unable to play the newer ones, but from what little I have seen it seems to “feel” better when you see and know characters from the original.

I have played and finished old ff7 and if you don’t mind reading everything, some grinding unless you are going to for the secret stuff ( which is heavy grinding) it should be a “smooth” experience once you get to grips with the game systems, graphics and gameplay - and yeah, It can feel difficult in the old one to get into but I found the payoffs were engaging, had moments of emotional resonance and generally felt satisfied by the end - but that is because I allowed myself to be engaged with the game world.

That is all up to personal taste, as I know there are games that have had a stronger effect on me, but I also understand why FF 7 is rated the way it is.

Update:

So anxiety attacks suck, usually these devolve into panic attacks, but I am trying to calm down

Trying to take deep breaths, trying not to be so tense so I don’t feel so rigid, calm the the heart rate, breathe…

I know this is like i am turning it into something like anaccountability journal, but I don’t know a more effective way to cut off the thought spiral as writing down things seems to calm the anxiety.

At least writing it out where I cannot hide it, can allow me to confront this later at hopefully a better time.

It is ugly emotions, emotions I want to cut off out of my system, emotions that build up and fill me with disgust.

I want to throw up, it’s exhausting.

Damn it, I feel pathetic

I just need to breath

Thank you for advice,

I can try

I do not think there is much physical clubs in the area where I live.

There is an online group I play games with online but the geographical distance is quite far, but I know I am bit of a trauma landmine so try maintain the acquaintance/ friend line.

Actively joining random official game groups drains my social battery very fast ( I cannot maintain my social cohesion and start to get more internally-agitated) and leaves me exhausted even if I can sort of meld in somewhat successfully.

I guess physical clubs would be better as I can get a two-in-one bonus of physical and social activity in one.

If I had the finances, I would love to join a gym or take up a martial art, but alas it is out of my current financial means

Overall, the idea is something I should try to put some more thought and effort into as it did bring me back to at least what options I have immediately and what options that could be potential.

So thank you again.

Also thank you for snap back, broke me out of the loop, feeling a bit calmer now

I don’t have a dog anymore, he past away almost 10 years ago, i still only have one picture of him though

Toe? I feel out of the loop