whats your thought on open relationship? if both living in different states
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ITT: polyphobia
As long as both are consenting adults, whatever I think doesn’t matter.
Been working for me for over a decade. I love my wife dearly, she’s not as sexual as I am, she likes hearing about my encounters with other women, it works for us. It won’t work for everyone, and requires a ton of communication and respect.
If trust and communication are on point, its cool.
So ive been in open poly relationships before and am very sex positive. The problem is several fold and it mostly comes down to education of everyone involved and comfort of all parties.
- There needs to be solid trust and communication between all members. If you dont have this it will fail. This is why going open will never fix a broken relationship.
- Some people arent able to let go of the jealous feeling of their partner being with someone else and thats ok it just means being poly / open isnt for them.
- Everyone has to be ok with the arrangement before it happens. None of this “I get to kiss/fuck whoever I want but you dont” stuff.
- The reason you want to be open matters. Do you just find it exciting? Does your partner? Are you long distance and so want to keep your options open? Does the partner know that? Are you into a kink your partner isnt into and they are ok with you experimenting? Are you in love with multiple people and want them all and they are also cool with that? Giant cuddle puddle sounds great? It all comes down to trust again. It can NEVER be because you’re trying to compensate for something your partner lacks without the consent of the partner
If there are any hard feelings in the relationship they will be compounded. So make sure the relationship is solid first.
Also being open doesnt automatically mean each person can do whatever they want. Talk yo your partner about partners you want to being in. Talk to the new people about your current partner. Make sure everyone is kosher about what’s happening (and also make sure everyone is regularly getting tested for STDs)
I wouldn’t like it in that situation, no. If you aren’t together and are doing other people but not each other what exactly is your relationship?
The only way I think it really works is if you are so hot together it pulls other people in, and if you are both wired to be turned on by hearing about the sex with other people, and have extremely good communication, like to the point it would annoy most people. It can’t be to fill a hole (ha ha) in the relationship you have. It can be good if you are both enthusiastic about it for sure. I don’t personally know anyone who has successfully used it one sided to manage a libido difference, though the top comment here is a guy saying he does that.
I think they can work and be fulfilling, but you have to be honest and trustworthy, and good about communicating.
Without a commitment of some kind, that’s not a romantic relationship. That’s a non-binding letter of intent for a friends-with-benefits situation at a TBD date some time in the future with caveats and escape clauses. It’s about as much of a relationship as mutual swiping on tinder.
i try not too much concern myself with other peoples relationships
Why comment?
Why not? OP asked what people think. The response is valid.
It’s a non answer that just serves to pat themselves on the back for being “good”. The question is also about the concept of open relationships. You can talk about that concept without viewing it through the lense of other people’s business. It’s a frustrating thing I see regularly in comments on posts like this. The idea you have to comment just to let everyone know you don’t have an opinion because you’re too moral.
Did you just comment to whine about someone else’s comment to show off how much better you are by (incorrectly) saying their view wasn’t meaningful enough?
No, no OP has a point. That poster’s comment was inane, and you are only looking stupid by defending that as a good post
The issue is people not having a stake in something and still believing they are entitled to speak
Choosing not to be judgemental of others is an active choice.
Their view added nothing. It served only to show that they don’t have an opinion. So again, why comment if you’re not willing to have an opinion. Its just moral posturing, its annoying and cringy.
what’s your thought on homosexual relationship?
I would place them in the same category as monogamous heterosexual relationships. I think creating a delineation between heterosexual relationships and homosexual ones like your doing is a strange way to make a point. I also lived with a lesbian couple for a few years when I was younger. In my personal anecdotal experience, I like hanging out with lesbian couples more than gay male couples, but about as much as heterosexual couples. Granted, that’s my personal lived experience. I wouldn’t assume I’d get along better with either on average though. Mostly just the people I knew. Weird to create that divide considering an open relationship is in no way equivalent to a gay one. In fact, some open relationships are gay.
I’m with you on this one, Chippy. But you kinda have to let people be useless, as long as they’re harmless at least. We just gotta tolerate it (even if the obvious "virtue signalling " is annoying) and move on without losing our temper. 🥲
It seems like an exhaustingly complex set of boundaries to keep and tends to create winners and losers out of third parties if the boundaries are rigidly followed in most cases. I think being that secure is somewhat admirable, but it also seems like a devastating fall to make if things don’t work out. Different folks have different ways of doing things, I think it’s fine, just not for me personally and I definitely wouldn’t want to be the 3rd party to it either.
waste of time.
way too many people pursue the wrong people and do stuff like open relationships as a cope.
If by cope, you mean it has emotional utility, then, yeah. All relationships are a cope for loneliness and disconnection, no matter the arrangment.
Look like doom to failed.
Yep, do open poly if you want, but this arrangement here just seems like “I want permission to cheat” more than “I want an open relationship”. Sounds like they found someone else and don’t have the stones to break up.
Yeah but anyone who sees sex in an open relationship as cheating, probably was never actually in an open relationship.
Its like saying going outside is just permission to leave the windows open - like there are no windows outside, and if you’re finding walls windows supported by ceilings, there’s a good chance youre still inside.
Bad idea
I think why you are choosing to do it matters. I think open relationships can be successful, but like are you doing it to keep a relationship on the rocks going? Or are you both legitimately capable of polyamory and able to be available to each other and your other partners in a way that doesn’t feel demeaning to anyone involved?
If it works, it works.
Considering that people often hookup just for sex, I don’t see why it couldn’t work in this case.
