People, especially outside of Lemmy (in fact, I think only outside of Lemmy), have said to me that the way I feel, being poly and upset and jealous of my boyfriend Will’s other partner is unreasonable, so why do I feel the way I do? They say I should be happy for him and that Will’s boyfriend Dave is probably his primary and that I’m being a jerk, but he doesn’t even pay attention to me and everyone downvotes me and ignores me for saying so.
I don’t really have a problem with Dave, it’s not his fault. I have a problem with Will because he apparently lost his phone (could be true), leaves me on read, doesn’t even talk to me, and only mentions his boyfriend and how much he misses and wants to talk to his boyfriend but never says he misses me. And everyone is okay with this. And I shut up and act okay with it because I can’t resist his charm when he acts romantic to me when we’re together even if his behavior is so hugely, enormously different when we’re not in person like it used to be.
Even if he never wants to hang out with me, says he doesn’t really feel like it, and doesn’t make plans with me unless it’s scheduled by someone else or he feels it’s “mandatory”. And I’ve tried talking to him and he says “I just don’t feel like it, that’s all” or “I’m just depressed babe” or “Sorry I’m just busy babe” but he keeps doing it and I feel so petty and unreasonable.
My friend says he might even be gay because he only mentions men but is in denial and wants to show off a girl because of heteronormativity or something, IDK. ¡Ayúdenme, por favor!
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I’m not sure you can really say he loves you. Honestly, best to have a talk and break up, he keeps you around like a side-piece.
leaves me on read, doesn’t even talk to me, and only mentions his boyfriend and how much he misses and wants to talk to his boyfriend but never says he misses me.
I’m old, but that doesn’t sound like a fulfilling relationship to me, I mean can you really even call him a “boyfriend?” If you’re only staying with him because you’re afraid of being alone, it doesn’t sound like being alone would be much of a change.
I hate to be the cliché internet response here, but really, I think you should leave him.
Thanks, I will or I will just talk to him some more once he gets his phone back or buys a new one. And IDK why TBH, I’m afraid of being alone, but I have my fiancée Aiko who actually treats me a lot better
Maybe I just want a guy to “show off” and feel like I need a man due to heteronormativity.
- feelings are emotional, not reasoning, so anybody arguing that someone’s emotions have to be reasonable, … is deranged.
Feelings can be made reasonable, but that’s a decades-long work, & only yoga/meditation traditions hold that that is something people ought be doing ( I’m including the Western monastic-traditions which hold people responsible for their emotions … given enough years/decades of training one’s self ).
- from what I see, you’re in a dysfunctional relationship, & it isn’t “just you”, it’s mutually-dysfunctional, though differently, for you & him.
It looks to me like he’s checked out from relationship-with-you.
- I have no opinion on what your real path is, from here to wherever you intend to be in the future.
While I wish you well, there’s nothing I can do to help, other than provide a possibly-wrong perspective.
If you want that relationship to work, though, it’ll require commitment from both of you, & if that isn’t there, then … I’d bet it’s a lost-cause.
That’s how relationship are, right?
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