Good advice on this thread, but the only one that will work for you is: find a good therapist.
A good therapist is one that not only understands your issue, but also understands you, and is able to guide you in a way that works for you. Not all people will be healed by using the same methods, and the main task of a good therapist is to find the one that clicks for you.
I would tell what worked for me, but it may not be useful. But the previous step worked: I found a good therapist which told me what I had to do.
(In case you’re already talking to an LLM: please don’t. I compared my therapist’s advice with those of an LLM -with a good prompt and all cautions observed- but the LLM didn’t “get” me and its advice was useless and sometimes outright wrong)
Edit: after reading some more replies, some people recommend taking drugs (legal or illegal). DON’T. The wrong drug will fuck you up. This includes antidepressants. Wait until a good therapist prescribes them for you. If the therapist and the GP disagree, follow the therapist’s advice. In my case this was critical as it helped me find the right medication and later quit it successfully - which is as important if not more than taking it.
This is a good write up. Thanks for sharing. I use “hide my email” sometimes and it’s important to know that it’s possible to find the real address behind it.