Seriously - when I was a kid and just rode the old BMX around the neighborhood it was enough to hose it down every year or two, then douse the parts in some WD-40.
When I started cycling more as an adult I quickly realized that I needed to learn how to maintain my bike (and that WD-40 is no good). Now, I spend so much time keeping the bike tuned and running smooth. All the drive components, tires and brakes need constant upkeep and replacement.
Meet me on the playground after school lil’ Stevie. After I pummel your Nosferatu-looking face, I’ll rightfully be the proud new owner of all of the possessions that were once yours.