Misogyny?? On MY Internet???

I want people to find my face at the starting runway, and my skull in some field 7 miles away from where the plane landed.

A real Elizabeth Barrett Browbeating

May she always sneeze just before she reaches the toilet. And may the droplets of pee upset her enough that she stress-farts tiny wet poops that cause her to suddenly clench and lose her balance and stumble just enough to accidentally pee just a little bit more just before she reaches for the lid. May her stiffened posture cause her to strain as she bends to lift the lid, and that she re-stubs her toe on the front of the toilet; just heard enough to make her feel defeated and lose her restraint on the steam that begins before she’s properly sat down so that she sits on her own pee that also drips into her underwear. Finally, may her efforts to clean up wake her up too much so that she only manages to fall back asleep 10 minutes before her alarm goes off.

Also, wherever they live has a table, chair, and a wall that has things on it. I can probably find that on Google Maps.

5 stars is truly top-tier, in general

*coughs* Ok, I’m leaving

“My insurance policy better cover Biden burning down my house”

GO BACK TO YOUR COFFIN, GRANDPA MUNSTER! YOUR VAUDEVILLIAN ANTICS ARE WORRISOME!

I don’t make monkeys, I train them

Only princes do, and only when they’re super old and have ruined countless lives. After that, they’re sentenced to being treated as royalty while being addressed like a normal: a fate worse than death!

To want me

“I don’t see how it’ll help, but sure, we can weigh it for funsies.”
- Anubis

The mIghTy boosh crowd

That same little voice in my head that tells me I should bite babies and squeeze puppies because it’ll make them cuter. Oh my god, do you think that’s God?! I should probably start following through with cute aggression! Unless it’s not God, which means… Fuck you, I’m gonna get drunk at this funeral!

There really is a Mamdani for every moment

If my doc would stop checking my A1C, I wouldn’t even have diabetes

Disclosure Day would end with them revealing RoboCop

As a Jew with family in Israel, fuck Zionists

I keep considering the same thing, except only letting myself register so that I can have my own stupid instance name.

Do they float?