Dog: “Clair, did you pick up those biscuits I like?”

It would look better, allow for easier access, and be cheaper if the bars connecting the two park… chairs were simply not there.

“But, Doug, that’s one of the best ones. Don’t knock it 'till you try it.”

But can Bones cut a rug?

“Thank you for your question. The arrival board behind me is working perfectly, as are all the arrival boards in this airport. We are committed to maintaining them for the foreseeable future.”

They’re not trying to hire talent. They’re trying to hire people who will do whatever you tell them to do.

Elmo should become a Saint.

Elmo should start a fire.

Baritone choir: “Veggie maaaaan!”

Me, an English teacher: nods somberly

Smart business move.

It’s the other way around. Adam was lonely so god put him into a deep sleep, extracted a rib, and built Eve from it.

But if you’re unfamiliar with the story, this comic suggests otherwise for whatever reason.

“I wasn’t concerned when my girl started watching stories about gruesome murders, I was concerned when she started writing things down on a notepad while doing so.”

You miss one rib…

“Instructions unclear. Shot the ice, shoveled as much of it into the back of the van as possible.”

Why wouldn’t it be? It’s meant to run all the software written for C64.

Literally, the new Commodore 64. Comes with a book that teaches you Basic.

The Katy Freeway is a monument to man’s hubris.

If you’ve ever driven down Westheimer, you know why.

“IF YOU LIKE PIŇA COLADA…”

The understanding partner stops herself from ringing the doorbell and they both go home and spend the evening reading in silence.

The end.