I want to see some numbers confirming that’s actually driving sales. I buy what fits regardless of the number in the waistband.

Women’s sizes are nuts. That was the other thing we discovered — my ex was just straight up medium shirts, same pants size in every store. I had no idea men had somewhat standardized sizes. Women’s sizes are basically astrology.

Plus, I have hella hips and a narrow waist, so depending on where the pants sit I either have a delicious muffin top or I’m swimming in them. Thus: Hospital pants.

We might be twins.

I told my partner at the time about this and he didn’t believe me.

We got up early on our day off for a mission to the mall to find two things: Knee length women’s shorts with pockets and women’s pants with pockets that fit my phone. After five hours we found neither.

I bought slim fit men’s pants, like I always do, and took in the waist. Oh, and hospital scrubs.

Ladies, I’ve turned my mother and several friends onto doctor pants — they’re plain in every colour, full of pockets, stain resistant, dry quickly, have drawstring/elastic waists, and people ask you for medical advice at the pharmacy.

In the town I grew up was a tailor who only sold jeans and would fit them to you right there. Every single woman I knew went there for pants because you could get pockets put in and a proper fit. I still have three pairs.

RIP

I’ll die of excitement while mowing the neighbour’s lawn with scissors.

We need to start demanding technical diagrams again. I’ve fixed up antiques where the schematics were printed on the inside, even for a simple flashlight.