Perfect, so now we know this was pre-meditated retribution for a minor incident days prior. Yelling at someone and breaking a taillight is not a crime worthy of the death penalty.

It’s nice to see that! I know I’m currently hiding under the covers so those people are all brave to be out there.

It’s going to be down to -15 degrees in Minneapolis today. It will be legitimately dangerous to be outside. The vast majority of people will be cooped up inside all weekend. Not saying this was a bad idea, just a very unfortunate day to plan it.

“Next, many of my Christian friends have asked me to find Jesus before I go. I’m not a believer, but I have to admit the risk-reward calculation for doing so looks so attractive to me, so here I go. I accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior and look forward to spending an eternity with Him. The part of me not being a believer should be quickly resolved if I wake up in heaven. I won’t need any more convincing than that. I hope I’m still qualified for entry.”

What an absolute fucking goober. Good luck with that one, chief.