Very 🥹🥹🥹

Dealing with some really difficult relationship stuff in a new relationship. Worried I may have upset the other person and am unable to know if/how upset they are as they’re unavailable for a while, so I get to sit in the ambiguity and hope 🙃

On a scale of 1 to 10 I’ll go with 37.

My boss has pissed off two layers of bosses above him, and now they are all wondering what the point of my team even is. Been through this song and dance before…

The usual level of stress.

Am entering a moderately busy season at work, which is kinda nice because I have poorly medicated ADHD and an impending external deadline is one of the few things that reliably gives me any amount of executive function.

Otherwise, trying to get my brain to cooperate feels like trying to wrestle a greased-up toddler or nail jello to a tree. It’s just a long exercise in frustration that ends in me hating my brain and wishing I could’ve just had a normal brain and thinking about how much easier my life would be with a normal brain.

I know we shouldn’t feel guild or regret or whatever over things we had no say in. And none of us had any say whatsoever in the circumstances of our birth.

But if there was a character creation screen at the moment of my conception, even if it was strictly limited to the options available as my mom & dad hooked up, I would’ve made many different choices:

• no autism
• no adhd
• no tendency toward clinical depression
• et cetera

Having a brain that I didn’t have to beg and plead with, a brain that let me work at a steady pace instead of procrastinate + sprint, would be fucking amazing.

It had its good times, its highs and lows. I got a cat.

I spent the week with a weak cold, back pain and heel pain. I finally recieved my go ahead to start the gig work I reapplied for three weeks ago. I secured an interview for a full-time position. Hope is up.

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Honestly, pretty good one. I am really felt ok this week, thanks for asking. And how are you?