I have such a hard time with this. I just can’t get myself to be ok with repeating the same shit over and over just to have a kinda normal life.
I know this is partially because of my anxiety, which makes my body be in an almost constant state of “this is the last day so nothing matters other than survival” or “this is the last day so consume and spend everything you have as tomorrow won’t exist”, but it’s also something I just don’t like.
I can’t stand the repetition and no matter how hard I try to keep a “normal” life with cleaning my apartment, keeping a good sleep schedule, saving for stuff, have any sort of long term feeling for anything it just doesn’t click.
I’ve always been in survival mode and even after close to 20 years of long term sick leave and doing my best all that time to get away from that it has never even come close to happening.
I have such a hard time with this. I just can’t get myself to be ok with repeating the same shit over and over just to have a kinda normal life.
I know this is partially because of my anxiety, which makes my body be in an almost constant state of “this is the last day so nothing matters other than survival” or “this is the last day so consume and spend everything you have as tomorrow won’t exist”, but it’s also something I just don’t like. I can’t stand the repetition and no matter how hard I try to keep a “normal” life with cleaning my apartment, keeping a good sleep schedule, saving for stuff, have any sort of long term feeling for anything it just doesn’t click.
I’ve always been in survival mode and even after close to 20 years of long term sick leave and doing my best all that time to get away from that it has never even come close to happening.