Spring break just ended, and I’m still exhausted. I have three jobs, and the break was really just from one job.
I’ve been struggling with ideation not because I’m sad or upset, but just fucking tired. I got to work before 8 am this morning, I got home at 9 pm. Tomorrow it’s only 8-7 and I get a couple of breaks, but I’ll need to grade. So still working. Probably should be grading right now, but it’s 11 and I just want to be stoned and getting just a little bit of something fun. A video game, a book, idk.
I need to work all the time, so I can make enough money to move to a different state. And that’s scary and overwhelming by itself. I don’t have a support system, and I’m split between whether I’m going to try to make it on my own (which will probably mean three jobs for a while in the new state) or absolutely gambling and moving in with an older man in a sugar daddy situation. I need to be cleaning my apartment and downsizing and all of that shit, but I just don’t fucking want to when I’m finally home from work. I needed to get an oil change during the spring “break” and that still didn’t happen.
It’s hard to feel like there’s any point to all of this. I can work 12+ hours a day, go home and zone out, then wake up the next day to do it again. Forever. Why would I want to do this? Where is happiness?
Spring break just ended, and I’m still exhausted. I have three jobs, and the break was really just from one job.
I’ve been struggling with ideation not because I’m sad or upset, but just fucking tired. I got to work before 8 am this morning, I got home at 9 pm. Tomorrow it’s only 8-7 and I get a couple of breaks, but I’ll need to grade. So still working. Probably should be grading right now, but it’s 11 and I just want to be stoned and getting just a little bit of something fun. A video game, a book, idk.
I need to work all the time, so I can make enough money to move to a different state. And that’s scary and overwhelming by itself. I don’t have a support system, and I’m split between whether I’m going to try to make it on my own (which will probably mean three jobs for a while in the new state) or absolutely gambling and moving in with an older man in a sugar daddy situation. I need to be cleaning my apartment and downsizing and all of that shit, but I just don’t fucking want to when I’m finally home from work. I needed to get an oil change during the spring “break” and that still didn’t happen.
It’s hard to feel like there’s any point to all of this. I can work 12+ hours a day, go home and zone out, then wake up the next day to do it again. Forever. Why would I want to do this? Where is happiness?