I have tried therapy on and off for a while now. People would always get frustrated with me and tell me to “get therapy,” but I never knew what I was actually supposed to be there for. And I tried a service like BetterHelp before (can’t remember what this one was called), but it just sucked ass and I’m not sure if the people on there were even licensed professionals.
I finally started going consistently with this one therapist, but I frequently get frustrated with her for not giving me actual coping skills or techniques. One of her favorite things to ask me is “how can you deal with X?” And I get frustrated and say “I don’t know.” Because if I fucking knew I wouldn’t be in therapy. She seems to do a more meandering talk therapy style thing with vague ideas of DBT and CBT thrown in there. She’s not giving me enough skills to not get fired at work. She helped me go through a difficult time, but now that that’s over, I’m back to square one.
So I found a therapist who specifically states she does DBT. Over time I have learned that my core issue is emotional dysregulation which is treated by DBT. She told me she follows this one workbook. I got the book. It’s great! It gives you a zillion and one coping skills. But after having several sessions with her, I notice that she spends the entire time just going “in chapter 4, this happens. Then in chapter 8, this happens” while my eyes just glaze over. Today the session ended 35 minutes early because she only vaguely contributed to me talking about a problem I had today.
I have been seeing both therapists concurrently until my deductible resets in January.
I just am so endlessly frustrated with the entire mental health industry. I’ve seen so many different therapists. I’ve really tried to do any exercises that they have given me. I’ve tried multiple different psych meds (trying a new one now actually!).
Nothing works. Nothing has changed about me. I’m the same person with the same problems. And nothing I seem to try makes a lick of difference. I try so hard. I try a zillion different things…exercise, getting good sleep, eating right, therapy, meds…nothing changes me. Nothing helps me.
What in the everliving fuck am I missing? Do I have to go through 30 different therapists before I can find one that can help me? Am I just doing therapy “wrong”??? What am I supposed to be doing here?
Through all this, I’ve found that telling someone to “go to therapy” is almost offensive…it just absolves others from caring about you and makes it sound like you’re not willing to do the base effort in bettering yourself.
Sorry for the long post and thanks for taking the time to read.
Ah so let me clarify some things.
I did a lot of research and found that DBT therapy is supposed to be the “gold standard” for this sort of thing. My current/old therapist does use some of those concepts but in too vague of a way for me to be able to find it more than incredibly mildly useful. She doesn’t use a book. She does talk about the trauma thing like you said which I find interesting and I guess does look at more of the root of the problems which might be useful in its own way in the long run.
I researched and found a therapist who does specifically does DBT. She told me about the workbook and it is basically just a zillion different skills to practice! Which is great! But I noticed that in practicing these skills all the time I just don’t feel like I’m getting anywhere. The intensity of what I feel is the same and under extreme reactions my brain shuts off and I have difficulty accessing the skills. It actually is useful for mild scenarios. The thing is that DBT therapist doesn’t actually do anything during the sessions like my current therapist does. She is just like “I like this chapter in the book. I like this concept in the book.”. I have tried to talk a little bit about a specific issue I had and tie it back to how I succeeded or struggled to use said methods, but she just doesn’t have anything to really say in response and we just end up staring at each other.
My new plan is to see the old therapist for conceptual things and work through the workbook on my own.
I just wish there was some way to make my emotions less intense because nothing helps me with that. It’s why I started therapy in the first place and also why I’ve been trying various psych meds. Idk.
Yes I have workplace trauma tho even lol.